The recession has trickled down to the birds

I hate to admit this but I have already boarded up the doors of the avian soup kitchen. I was at (generic home improvement megalomart) the other day searching for some sort of home improvement product, and I could not bring myself to even go near the birdseed aisle. It is too expensive. I know the birds will scarf it up in two days and I'll be right back in the same predicament. After all, we have a new mouth to feed in our home and, I think, are singlehandedly keeping the makers of Hill's Science Diet in the black. I'm starting to think that if I spent the entire $600 "rebate" check that Congress and the president are threatening to give us, it would be scarcely enough to stock the feeders through April.

Some years ago, I read of the staggering amount of money people spend on birdseed every year, and I dearly wish I could find the statistic. I think if the government really wants to stimulate the economy, they should breed and release a few million birds in communities across the country. Can't you just hear cash registers at Birds Unlimited going cha-ching?

There is an elderly couple across the street who live on a "fixed income." They still drive a Model T Ford and have rotary dial telephones, yet they have the fattest birds in the neighborhood (and they wonder why we're inundated with hawks). If they had to choose between buying this month's medication or birdseed, I have no doubt what call they'd make. Oh well, I guess I can always set up the spotting scope and watch their birds.